When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
