this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
