Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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