All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
