ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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