Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
