Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i think my tv is drunk
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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