You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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