Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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