Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
