when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
