I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
