just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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