hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
