no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
