trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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