Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
