Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
