if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
