OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
