You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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