Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Be still, my beating vagina.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
