Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
