You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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