Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
