i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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