hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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