So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
