She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
operation have a gay friend backfired
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
