she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
