if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
