So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
