People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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