pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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