My balls are so social today.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
