I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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