so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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