why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Randomize