Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
she peed on how many people?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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