Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Still dying that you shit outside
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize
