So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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