I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
