the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
