I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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