Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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