Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
