There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
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Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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