I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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