I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
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you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
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I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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