I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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