Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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