I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
