did you get engaged???
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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