I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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