Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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