I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
