Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
