I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
