if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
