so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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