Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
