i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
