its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
