I think I just saw someone hide a body.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
