I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
