sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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