There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
