can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
