We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
