I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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