no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
