i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just cut my nipple shaving
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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