Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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