I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
