There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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