I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It's blow job season.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
