dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
